Ask TTCSUM

do not rail against the ideology-that-shall-not-be-named.

hey–you’d get Edie Falco (Carmela in the Sopranos.) she’s a Sicilian – Swedish blend, i think i read.

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So TTUSM, would you consider an Italian marrying a Greek to be “inter-racial” or a German marrying a Finlander?

Both of my parents are Indian, but my mom still refers to them as an interracial couple… They are by no means interracial.

I find this attitude to be incredibly patronizing. It’s the equivalent of a white person saying, “all you brown people look the same.”

Surely you know that the various ethnicities of the Indian subcontinent are separated by thousands of years of history, countless conflicts, and languages that aren’t even remotely similar. Do you really want these groups to forget all that, and embrace each other as if nothing ever happened, all because the master-race-du-jour can’t tell them apart? Do you really want to deny these people the right to define THEIR OWN identities?

Regarding marrying “your own kind” or “your own people” it all depends on how you define that group. So if “my people” are other software engineers then I did marry one of my own kind after all.

On a more serious note, I think I saw some comments here that treated race as a biological fact rather than a social construct. I’m not an expert but I don’t think this is correct. Here’s a link with more information – Ten things everyone should know about race

See item number 9, “Race isn’t biological, but racism is still real.”

OK, now when are desi parents gonna step up to the plate in this regard?

I absolutely agree. I feel like Asians are all more close-minded than others when it comes to dating outside the race, but I feel like Desis are the worst. Both of my parents are Indian, but my mom still refers to them as an interracial couple. (I think it makes her feel cool and she claims it’s why she accepts her daughters dating non-desis.) They are by no means interracial. They both grew up in Bombay, where 99% of my extended family lives. But their great-grandparents came from other states, Mysore for my mom, and Kutch for my dad. I have never noticed much a difference in their cultures other than language and the fact that my dad’s a vegetarian who likes Bajra rotis. His family still looks down upon their marriage since she is not Kutchi (I think they also see it as interracial.) I’ve seen so many desi women in loving relationships who dump the guy SOLELY because he is not from their village, claiming they had “nothing in common.” If the only way to your marital happiness is race, then you have a serious problem.

This to me says EVERYTHING that’s wrong with the desi community. Everyone thinks their little village is better than the next and no outsider could possibly understand the nuances of their precious culture. Maybe I can’t keep track of the correct word for “father’s sister’s husband,” but calling him “uncle” is not the end of the world. You can have your Bajra, I’ll take my Jerk Chicken any day.

I haven’t yet formed a for or against opinion, I see both sides.