Let me see how much of that list I can check off from my perspective: ABD Malayalee in Dallas

a) Well, I’m Roman Catholic, so I attend an American church. But I’ve been to the Indian churches a few times, seen a temple once. Check.

b) Most of my community’s song and dance participants are girls. I was an art major in college. I’ll consider Malayalam an art form, and I know it, so I’ll give the above total a cumulative check.

c) I like Bollywood! Check.

d) I attended India Association events in college, plus my family and I did the circuit in grade and high school. I used to wear more traditional Indian garb to some of the events, but as time went on, dress-code has been simplified for males: suit, shirt, tie. So I’ll give me a check, more or less.

e) Discussing South Asian politics? No check. Discussing South Asians in American politics/ how US politics affects Desi immigrants? Check with a bullet!

f) Marriage: I’m single. So no check. But I’ve attended Malayalee weddings. Check. I don’t know what format my wedding will take. So I’ll say no check, with an option for check.

All I said was that working to retain one’s cultural identity and intending to pass it on to the next generation is a good thing. And trying to label people who feel that way as “backwards,” “regressive,” or “racist” is exactly the kind of homogenizing, Westernizing influence that would have made Macaulay proud.

As long as I live a stable and fulfilling life, and I’m comfortable in my identity as a person, does it really matter whether I adhere to my parents’ lifestyles?

I think way too much emphasis has been placed on preserving culture for culture’s sake.

145 · Wah! said

I personally think Indian parents should just follow the White model, and kick the kids out after 18, and let them mind their own business. The kids seem to be pining for it, so just give them what they want

Very true. Instill American individualism and independence with respect to personal life issues. Then all problems will take care of itself. If the kids still want some exposure to desi culture how about taking an internship or temporary job in India or make friends with “cultured” DBDs or join South-Asian studies program in univs ?

I’m sorry, but who are you to tell Indian parents how to raise their kids? I’m proud of my Indian heritage and Hindu faith. Who in world would want mutt children anyway? I’m not ready to throw my kids off into the deep end of American multiculturalism.

Western peoples’ idea of marriage is very different from ours.

Please can you clarify what is the difference between “western” and desi idea of marriage ? Working husband and/or wife (desis or non-desis ) in america pretty much do the similar(if not same) thing in terms of socio-cultural and family life. The only things is that if both parties want to strongly adhere to their cultural things you will have to two different things to choose from in your daily planner and scheduling. Increased financial independence is leading to broken families even amongst desis (and is also on the rise in Indian urban centers)

M. Nam

You mean, to what extent they give “it” to each other on credit, ie, betting their body on future return on equity? Don’t worry – it will all come to a crashing end with a decade. The process is well underway for the last six months.

The contemporary west does not exactly have a good track record with stable family life and I don’t see it getting any better

The contemporary west has lifestyles that were an offshore of easy, plentiful credit and a stable economic environment. Both these will now go the way of folklore that grandparents wistfully talk about with their grandchildren (“When I bought a house fifty years ago, I paid down only 10%, after which I quickly turned around and took a home-equity loan to buy a plasma TV“).

kick the kids out after 18, and let them mind their own business.

Without recourse to credit cards, student loans or loans of any other type, how will kids eat?(18 year olds eat a LOT!)

This entire economic crisis will be a victory for the traditionalists.

M. Nam

Have they become so rare, exclusive, hard to get or picky

Taking a cue from sciences – collision frequncy is proportional to density. Unless you live in big cities (or maybe in a univ) with ample number (and places) of desis to meet you are hardly going to see a desi single souls for miles. Then the entire compatibilty game that plays out independent of race. So it is better and easier to broaden the pool and be open and not look at racial issues wrt marriage as a zero sum game.

Thanks Musiq, what about his children, I think his mother in law has been heavily involved in rearing them,Just as she and her husband raised Michelle and her brother. (From the looks of it they are successful African Americans) what ‘culture’ do they have? If the Obama children turn out successful, can they claim to be authentically African American? how many more generations do you think it will take before black Americans can be ameicans? or any other words- when will your use of english, deordorant, knives and forks stop being “white” behavior?