Comments on: Life is Stranger Than Fiction. http://sepiamutiny.com/blog/2008/09/10/life_is_strange/ All that flavorful brownness in one savory packet Sat, 30 Nov 2013 11:11:28 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Mr.Write http://sepiamutiny.com/blog/2008/09/10/life_is_strange/comment-page-2/#comment-218516 Mr.Write Tue, 14 Oct 2008 12:55:09 +0000 http://sepiamutiny.com?p=5406#comment-218516 <p>Anna, it's not so bad. After several years of trying it all the other ways, I finally succumbed to being set up by a desi uncle and it worked out. My story is not unlike your's. I was aging (by desi standards) and the pressure was on, but the pressure was coming from me more than anyone else. I had been originally married at a young age (by desi male standards) because my parents wanted to get my younger sister married and in our culture we do it in chronological order, oldest to youngest, and they could not get her married unless I was so I met my first wife on one of those desi matrimonial sites SM blogged about. We were happy but both too young to be married without having had sown our wild oats first. We divorced after two years of sincerely trying to make it work. After that I kind of went wild with partying and sleeping around, drinking, smoking pot, job jumping, every desi parents nightmare. I developed a bit of a bad rep in our local community but people still showed respect because of my parents' good names. Anyway, I wasn't committing any crimes, just having fun the way most young people do in their twenties. Anyway, as my thirties loomed on the horizon I started to get serious again and sought a longterm relationship to no avail. Everytime I thought I met "the one", some crazy incident would happen to smash that dream. One time a fiance's parents fought with mine and they called off the wedding. Luckily no money had been spent yet. After about 6 good years of getting my heart broken by one potential wife after the other, and I have to say here that a divorced desi man is looked at with much suspicion, I finally succumbed to a desi uncle's (not my actual uncle but a colleague) offer to find me a "good match". Relunctant as I was to take that route, fearing that the families from whom he would be searching would be too conservative and not accept me, I am even now amazed to say that I have recently married again, close to my 40th birthday, and we are very happy despite the fact that she does come from a family that was at first hesitant to accept a divorced son in law with a previous reputation such as mine. Being from a religious family does not help either because you are expected to be just as religious and orthodox as your parents. Anyway, despite all these factors, I have found my soul mate and couldn't be happier. For me the formality of finding someone through an elder who expected me to oblige was what really clinched the matter. All of my previous girlfriends were self picked and there was no pressure from outside to stick it out. I find that when a desi elder sets you up, you are more likely to take it seriously and there is more respect there. I also still dated other people while I was first getting to know her, just in case it did not pan out then I had options to fall back on, but once her family accepted me and she declared her love, I made the exclusive commitment. It's worth a try. You are not obliged to marry the first person he sets you up with, but at least meet a few people this way. You never know what could come out of it. For me it beats all the other women I chose for myself. I realize that I didn't actually know how to pick a quality woman.</p> Anna, it’s not so bad. After several years of trying it all the other ways, I finally succumbed to being set up by a desi uncle and it worked out. My story is not unlike your’s. I was aging (by desi standards) and the pressure was on, but the pressure was coming from me more than anyone else. I had been originally married at a young age (by desi male standards) because my parents wanted to get my younger sister married and in our culture we do it in chronological order, oldest to youngest, and they could not get her married unless I was so I met my first wife on one of those desi matrimonial sites SM blogged about. We were happy but both too young to be married without having had sown our wild oats first. We divorced after two years of sincerely trying to make it work. After that I kind of went wild with partying and sleeping around, drinking, smoking pot, job jumping, every desi parents nightmare. I developed a bit of a bad rep in our local community but people still showed respect because of my parents’ good names. Anyway, I wasn’t committing any crimes, just having fun the way most young people do in their twenties. Anyway, as my thirties loomed on the horizon I started to get serious again and sought a longterm relationship to no avail. Everytime I thought I met “the one”, some crazy incident would happen to smash that dream. One time a fiance’s parents fought with mine and they called off the wedding. Luckily no money had been spent yet. After about 6 good years of getting my heart broken by one potential wife after the other, and I have to say here that a divorced desi man is looked at with much suspicion, I finally succumbed to a desi uncle’s (not my actual uncle but a colleague) offer to find me a “good match”. Relunctant as I was to take that route, fearing that the families from whom he would be searching would be too conservative and not accept me, I am even now amazed to say that I have recently married again, close to my 40th birthday, and we are very happy despite the fact that she does come from a family that was at first hesitant to accept a divorced son in law with a previous reputation such as mine. Being from a religious family does not help either because you are expected to be just as religious and orthodox as your parents. Anyway, despite all these factors, I have found my soul mate and couldn’t be happier. For me the formality of finding someone through an elder who expected me to oblige was what really clinched the matter. All of my previous girlfriends were self picked and there was no pressure from outside to stick it out. I find that when a desi elder sets you up, you are more likely to take it seriously and there is more respect there. I also still dated other people while I was first getting to know her, just in case it did not pan out then I had options to fall back on, but once her family accepted me and she declared her love, I made the exclusive commitment. It’s worth a try. You are not obliged to marry the first person he sets you up with, but at least meet a few people this way. You never know what could come out of it. For me it beats all the other women I chose for myself. I realize that I didn’t actually know how to pick a quality woman.

]]> By: Sri http://sepiamutiny.com/blog/2008/09/10/life_is_strange/comment-page-2/#comment-216283 Sri Fri, 19 Sep 2008 19:09:07 +0000 http://sepiamutiny.com?p=5406#comment-216283 <p>Excellent post! I laughed, I cried, I caught a glimpse of my none-too-distant future. And then I cried some more.</p> Excellent post! I laughed, I cried, I caught a glimpse of my none-too-distant future. And then I cried some more.

]]> By: smack http://sepiamutiny.com/blog/2008/09/10/life_is_strange/comment-page-2/#comment-215905 smack Sat, 13 Sep 2008 16:43:55 +0000 http://sepiamutiny.com?p=5406#comment-215905 <p>"I used to hate weddings being a single Punjabi girl. All the old elder aunties would poke me and say, "you're next."</p> <p>I read this joke in an e-mail forwarding</p> “I used to hate weddings being a single Punjabi girl. All the old elder aunties would poke me and say, “you’re next.”

I read this joke in an e-mail forwarding

]]> By: nia http://sepiamutiny.com/blog/2008/09/10/life_is_strange/comment-page-2/#comment-215899 nia Sat, 13 Sep 2008 09:51:57 +0000 http://sepiamutiny.com?p=5406#comment-215899 <p>my profile is bella44 on shaadi.com :)</p> my profile is bella44 on shaadi.com :)

]]> By: lol http://sepiamutiny.com/blog/2008/09/10/life_is_strange/comment-page-2/#comment-215897 lol Sat, 13 Sep 2008 07:32:24 +0000 http://sepiamutiny.com?p=5406#comment-215897 <p><i>44 · <B>opal mehta</B> <a href="http://www.sepiamutiny.com/sepia/archives/005406.html#comment215705">said</a></i></p> <blockquote><I>29 · <B>Jangali Janwar</B> <A href="http://www.sepiamutiny.com/sepia/archives/005406.html#comment215662" rel=nofollow>said</A></I> <BLOCKQUOTE>I used to hate weddings being a single Punjabi girl. All the old elder aunties would poke me and say, "you're next."</BLOCKQUOTE> They soon stopped when I started saying the same to them at funerals. I've heard this somewhere else. And somehow I doubt that there are so many insolent Punjabi girls poking aunties at funerals. </blockquote> <p>Haha. I read the exact same thing in a joke book.</p> 44 · opal mehta said

29 · Jangali Janwar said
I used to hate weddings being a single Punjabi girl. All the old elder aunties would poke me and say, “you’re next.”
They soon stopped when I started saying the same to them at funerals. I’ve heard this somewhere else. And somehow I doubt that there are so many insolent Punjabi girls poking aunties at funerals.

Haha. I read the exact same thing in a joke book.

]]> By: some west coast guy http://sepiamutiny.com/blog/2008/09/10/life_is_strange/comment-page-2/#comment-215875 some west coast guy Sat, 13 Sep 2008 01:13:29 +0000 http://sepiamutiny.com?p=5406#comment-215875 <p><i>"one is easily seduced by this western culture to a point, where one finds one's own culture backward."</i></p> <p>Thats the thing - I don't ascribe to that kind of binary way of looking at culture. Theres plenty I love and cherish about south indian culture. There are a lot of things I detest about american culture. Doesn't matter where its coming from but I don't want any part of anything that promotes discrimination, prejudice or hate. And if you think (I don't agree with this) that being a skeptic free-thinker is characteristic of someone who is 'seduced by western culture' , then you're right. I'm a <i>slut</i> for western culture and proud of it.</p> “one is easily seduced by this western culture to a point, where one finds one’s own culture backward.”

Thats the thing – I don’t ascribe to that kind of binary way of looking at culture. Theres plenty I love and cherish about south indian culture. There are a lot of things I detest about american culture. Doesn’t matter where its coming from but I don’t want any part of anything that promotes discrimination, prejudice or hate. And if you think (I don’t agree with this) that being a skeptic free-thinker is characteristic of someone who is ‘seduced by western culture’ , then you’re right. I’m a slut for western culture and proud of it.

]]> By: ExPatInLA http://sepiamutiny.com/blog/2008/09/10/life_is_strange/comment-page-2/#comment-215868 ExPatInLA Sat, 13 Sep 2008 00:29:50 +0000 http://sepiamutiny.com?p=5406#comment-215868 <p><b>some_west_coast_guy, nia.</b></p> <p>Speaking from my own life experience, one is easily seduced by this western culture to a point, where one finds one's own culture backward.</p> <p>But, as the years pass, you will realize that your parents accomplished far more in life, than all the people whose opinions you currently value.</p> <p>Unfortunately this insight only comes when your parents are no longer around for you to say "sorry" or even "thank you for trying".</p> <p>So, take their advice, it may not be the path of least resistance, but it will DEFINITELY be the path of least regret.</p> <p>Good Luck.</p> some_west_coast_guy, nia.

Speaking from my own life experience, one is easily seduced by this western culture to a point, where one finds one’s own culture backward.

But, as the years pass, you will realize that your parents accomplished far more in life, than all the people whose opinions you currently value.

Unfortunately this insight only comes when your parents are no longer around for you to say “sorry” or even “thank you for trying”.

So, take their advice, it may not be the path of least resistance, but it will DEFINITELY be the path of least regret.

Good Luck.

]]> By: some west coast guy http://sepiamutiny.com/blog/2008/09/10/life_is_strange/comment-page-2/#comment-215867 some west coast guy Sat, 13 Sep 2008 00:28:19 +0000 http://sepiamutiny.com?p=5406#comment-215867 <p>Congratulations Mary! Thats great to hear! I wish you all the best.</p> <blockquote> <p>when I told them about my now-husband (then boyfriend) two years ago So when you'd told them about him two years ago - had you been seeing each other much longer before that? I was just wondering if you went full-disclosure <em>after</em> you had a good sense of certainty that you were indeed going to marry him? I was talking to my aunt (who has lived in the US since the 60's and has one caucasian son-in-law) about this and as understanding as she was, she made some comment about how my parents were just trying to look out for me, god forbid I end up marrying some latino or 'karumbhi'. Sigh. Needless to say, we didn't talk long after that..</p> </blockquote> Congratulations Mary! Thats great to hear! I wish you all the best.

when I told them about my now-husband (then boyfriend) two years ago So when you’d told them about him two years ago – had you been seeing each other much longer before that? I was just wondering if you went full-disclosure after you had a good sense of certainty that you were indeed going to marry him? I was talking to my aunt (who has lived in the US since the 60′s and has one caucasian son-in-law) about this and as understanding as she was, she made some comment about how my parents were just trying to look out for me, god forbid I end up marrying some latino or ‘karumbhi’. Sigh. Needless to say, we didn’t talk long after that..

]]> By: Mary http://sepiamutiny.com/blog/2008/09/10/life_is_strange/comment-page-2/#comment-215866 Mary Sat, 13 Sep 2008 00:08:15 +0000 http://sepiamutiny.com?p=5406#comment-215866 <p>This thread has been so amusing! Thanks Anna! I'm a Malu Catholic woman in her mid-thirties who recently married a non-Catholic, non-Indian man, who happens to be African-American. Needless to say, my folks were angry, upset, pissed, tearful, etc.etc. when I told them about my now-husband (then boyfriend) two years ago. I don't know if they'll ever be 100% supportive of my choices, but at least they love me enough to accept him and respect my decision to marry outside of our culture. Most of my family made it to the wedding, thank goodness - and it was one big Desi/African-American/Latin party! I've been dealing with 'arranged dates,' set-ups, being introduced to random Indian guys by aunties at weddings and matrimonial ads in Indian newspapers since the age of 23. Clearly nothing clicked with any of these 'prospects' - according to my parents, I was being too picky! Whatever! All I have to say is (and this goes to Some West Coast Guy and Notchewey) - without sounding too chiche, 'keep hope alive' and one of these days, your soul-mate just might show up! :-) Best of luck!</p> This thread has been so amusing! Thanks Anna! I’m a Malu Catholic woman in her mid-thirties who recently married a non-Catholic, non-Indian man, who happens to be African-American. Needless to say, my folks were angry, upset, pissed, tearful, etc.etc. when I told them about my now-husband (then boyfriend) two years ago. I don’t know if they’ll ever be 100% supportive of my choices, but at least they love me enough to accept him and respect my decision to marry outside of our culture. Most of my family made it to the wedding, thank goodness – and it was one big Desi/African-American/Latin party! I’ve been dealing with ‘arranged dates,’ set-ups, being introduced to random Indian guys by aunties at weddings and matrimonial ads in Indian newspapers since the age of 23. Clearly nothing clicked with any of these ‘prospects’ – according to my parents, I was being too picky! Whatever! All I have to say is (and this goes to Some West Coast Guy and Notchewey) – without sounding too chiche, ‘keep hope alive’ and one of these days, your soul-mate just might show up! :-) Best of luck!

]]> By: suede http://sepiamutiny.com/blog/2008/09/10/life_is_strange/comment-page-2/#comment-215844 suede Fri, 12 Sep 2008 21:17:48 +0000 http://sepiamutiny.com?p=5406#comment-215844 <p>and while we argue about this, there are bigger things happening in the world.</p> <p>http://sify.com/news/fullstory.php?id=14756748</p> and while we argue about this, there are bigger things happening in the world.

http://sify.com/news/fullstory.php?id=14756748

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