Comments on: No Business Woman, No Cry.

By: caliindo

caliindo — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 03:16:12 +0000

Just follow your heart Maya..English major is nothing to be ashamed of.. Go for it..

By: Satya

Satya — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 23:33:51 +0000

Meh, I feel like a broken record in saying that I so relate, but reading Maya's letter made me think of myself at age 18 or 19. I'm 28 now, but back when I started college, I began as a physics major (mainly because I loved science fiction and got good math grades). For nearly two years, I struggled, toiled, and languished in self-loathing and confusion. It's funny, because despite the fact that I was the kind of person who staunchly refused my parents' values, I was unconcsiously caught in the quagmire of wanting to make them proud of me and wanting to do the right and obvious and respectable thing with my life. No matter that since I was old enough to reach the bookshelves, I'd been an avid reader and writer and my passions usually had something to do with Henry James and early Greek lyric poems rather than Fibonacci sequences or sterile theorems. I played out this silly battle in my head, on my own, for TWO FRIGGIN' YEARS before I caved, switched my major to English, and worked my ass off to ensure that I'd graduate in four years.

To dovetail with other commenters, the post-college years (at least in the beginning) were hell. I'd been so busy just making sure I'd be graduating with the rest of my peers that I didn't take the time to consider realistic career plans. Sure, I wanted to write--but I didn't know the first thing about how to fulfill that goal in a terrain that seemed increasingly hostile towards naive post-pubescent creatives. For the first three years after college, I went into debt, borrowed money, worked thankless admin jobs at loosely put together nonprofits, and ate pasta for dinner almost every night. Would I do it all over again? Hell yes! Through all these challenges, I dabbled in acting, continued writing poetry and plays, and pursued my growing love for community arts activism. I was introduced to groups of people who forever changed the way I looked at my career path. I was forced to think outside the box of respectable options and really, truly build a life for myself rather than just check the generic career box.

Truthfully, my major probably had little to do with who I am today and what I'm doing with my life (I'm a freelance editor and writer, I work at an advertising agency, and I'm a playwright and community arts activist). It was really the life experiences after college that shaped many of my interests and nudged me in my particular direction. Of course, I didn't get clear on what that direction was until the age of 24 or 25, but I think that being an English major made me realize that I would never be able to slot myself into some predetermined cookie-cutter profession.

And for the record, I'm fairly certain my parents are proud of me. Of course, I don't have the car, house, kids, and lucrative stock options, but I do have a wonderful husband, a great job, and tons of perks that come with the territory (like free trips to world-class spas and resorts, season tix to the opera, and plenty of travel opportunities), not to mention a passel of interesting friends and estimable life experiences.

All the same, I so know how difficult it can be to simply follow your heart when there are so many other things that hang in the balance, parental satisfaction and community approval not being the least of them. It's just up to you to decide what's more difficult--living a life of inauthenticity or sacrificing security and saying pooh to the court of public opinion.

By: galtor

galtor — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 03:52:39 +0000

I understand your position completely. I came to the states in ’99 (not entirely my choice, although perhaps, apathy is a choice) and I was tossed into the engineering program. Took me all of 4 months to switch to Comparative Literature and Cultural studies, finish my B.A. with honors before I broke the news to my parents. But as someone noted earlier- Paents will surprise you. Apparently they knew, (not specifically, but they knew I was in the humanities). I don’t know how, maybe the lack of complaints from me, maybe the they didn’t see math textbooks in my bathroom, but they were waiting for me to tell them. And the sense of relief, it made up for all the condemnation and ridicule from my fellow desis. So I’m halfway through the ph.d in English, and my god it feels great being able to talk to them honestly, and taking a genuine amount of pride in answering ( and being able to answer) the “What do you do?” questions in family gatherings.

By: louiecypher

louiecypher — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:03:56 +0000

Don’t believe the hype. Some people try to cultivate this “devil may care” attitude but the fact is that there is almost always going to be some inherited wealth in the picture. Upper middle class professionals will leave more to their kids then most working class or lower middle class people will save in a lifetime. The artsy kids of professional parents don’t have a good idea of the sacrifices they will have to make to pursue their passions….so many of them live far beyond their means.

By: Pravin

Pravin — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 23:37:45 +0000

As for it would “be nice if Maya had…”, when someone anguished reaches out for help, I’m not critical if they didn’t include enough information for my satisfaction– mostly because I don’t feel entitled to any information, let alone what I’m given. She was upset. She wrote what she could.

I guess I could have worded it better. It wasn’t mean to be negative.

By: ABCDpreMDtoNYCJD

ABCDpreMDtoNYCJD — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 21:49:47 +0000

This post really speaks to me. My life plan was: go to magnet high school, prestigious private university in major city, then med school at same. I ended up going to the “regular” high school, then after not getting in to the first choice college, ended up commuting to the suburban public university. All four years were miserable. But after the first year, I broke my parents’ hearts by deciding to dishonor them and their ancestors by switching from pre-med to…pre-law! Horror of horrors! Even when my grandmother halfway around the world calls, she still asks: “why don’t you want to be a doctor, like your father?” I’m currently in my second year of law school, and well on my way into success and happiness on my own terms. My parents have come around, but interesting to note: they were skeptical of my choices until I started reaching my own goals, by getting my grades up, getting into law school, then getting job offers. I wonder if they would be so happy if I hadn’t made it so far, but if I’ve realized anything, you have to live your own life.

–You know what is amazing? I’ve asked around, and students from other religious and ethnic communities all say their parents would have supported them in anything, and were proud they went to law school…except for my desi friends! ALL of our parents were disappointed we chose law, and we deal with it through humor, and committing ourselves to success (whether it be in the public or private $$$ector).

Reading the comments above, I think I got lucky: what I wanted to do (go to law school) was initially very much against my parents’ wishes, but they eventually came around, and their moral (and financial!) support is important to me. It is great that so many people are doing what they want to do, regardless of financial/parental issues, and it probably makes you better at what you do if you really enjoy your work. I think I’ll make a good lawyer, but I know I would have been a miserable doctor.

By: Neale

Neale — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 21:03:37 +0000

That Salman Rushdie spent the duration of his fatwa hiding out in a condo complex in Sunnyvale while writing COBOL code for TCS?

That was Chekov.

By: A N N A

A N N A — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 20:20:45 +0000

What’s not stated in Maya’s excerpted email is whether or not she has considered what she’d do with her English degree after graduation.

and:

It would have been nice if Maya mentioned why she wanted to get into English because any advice would be based on the passion she feels for English.

There is no “excerpt”. The only thing I left out was her name. As for it would “be nice if Maya had…”, when someone anguished reaches out for help, I’m not critical if they didn’t include enough information for my satisfaction– mostly because I don’t feel entitled to any information, let alone what I’m given. She was upset. She wrote what she could.

I want to thank everyone for how kind and supportive they’ve been. What you couldn’t possibly know is that others in Maya’s shoes wrote to me right after I posted this and told me that they were avidly following the thread and gaining so much from it. What you dash off in a comment box actually made a difference to a stranger/lurker you weren’t even addressing– isn’t that kind of neat?

By: nidhi

nidhi — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 19:38:11 +0000

from another desi lit major… remind them of all the famous desi writers… it helped in my case! although, once i left the box i never stopped, from lit major to dating women, dating white men, and now to attending art school. at this point my parents keep saying “we can’t tell you anything, you do what you want” and i think they kind of respect me for it… in a way. it’ll take convincing but eventually they’ll come around.

By: Camille

Camille — Sat, 15 Dec 2007 17:03:12 +0000

melbournedesi, you can disagree. I don’t think the recommendation was for you to shut up, it was to exercise tact in your comments (even if they were detractory or contradictory to the main post).