Comments on: Are you in an Aviyal Relationship?

By: Simone

Simone — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 07:23:58 +0000

Like edgy aunty I am a product of a hindu-muslim aviyal relationship from the 60s in India and can completely agree with her on the dating issue – It was tough meeting people here in the US (I live in the US) who could get past the issue where dating was concerned (ABDs almost more than DBDs were entrenched on staying within rank for some reason) — but I did meet some folks that didn’t care abut such stuff — and am married to one of them (DBD hindu and both him and his family are really cool with my bi-religious background and areligious beliefs).

By: nala

nala — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 06:46:38 +0000

By “they’re all doing it too,” I mean other people’s kids.

By: Bianca Reagan

Bianca Reagan — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 03:03:57 +0000

edgy aunty, I get hurt by rejection, too, especially from my homies, i.e., the brothers. Lucky for you, you’re married. One day I hope to be as fortunate as you, “happy and in love and all that.”

By: edgy aunty

edgy aunty — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 07:20:05 +0000

Complex and stressful, yes, to those of you in/considering an aviyal relationship — but then also think about the products of such relationships…i am an abd product of a hindu-muslim aviyal of the ’60′s (gasp), and let me tell you, it was not easy for me to date desis (abds and dbds) as their families could not look past the “other side” (not muslim “enough”, not hindu (period)). Granted, the hindu-muslim thing is probably the most diverse aviyal relationship around, but hopefully things have changed and will continue to change. As for me, i married a white guy, happy and in love and all that, but as you can tell, still hurt by the rejection by my homeys. Be prepared.

By: Bianca Reagan

Bianca Reagan — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 06:05:59 +0000

I’m way late to the game, but I like this post. I’ve never thought of how complex and stressful it is to date within your own race, but not necessarily within your own class, region, and religion. Whew. Difficult. I’ll keep reading and learning from the Mutiny, like I always do.

By: Camille

Camille — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 04:11:18 +0000

adai, I don’t think it’s necessarily all about hiding things. If you’re a minor and want BC, I think it’s perfectly fair not to tell your parents if you feel like it could threaten your health or theirs. That said, do our parents need to know all the gory details of their lives? And also, by extension, I have a feeling that there are quite a few folks out there who don’t do the premarital sex thing, less “traditional” dating, etc. I wouldn’t consider a more conservative approach more traditional, but rather another common alternative to the mainstream depiction of dating life and relationships (after all, there’s still a sizeable % of teens abstaining from sex and a consistent minority of adults).

Amitabh, not sure if the descrip is entirely right on, but I’ll take it as a compliment nonetheless

By: Aviyal or Kitchri?

Aviyal or Kitchri? — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 22:30:17 +0000

Why is it acceptable for desis to seek the same caste/religion/region/language in a spouse but not so in friendship?

I don't have anything against anybody but I prefer to hang around people from a similar background as myself just because the cultural ties make the bonding deeper. Yet I've been accused of what one acqaintance calls "separatism". This same woman however will not even consider marriage to a man from another religious background than herself. So why is that ok and what I'm doing not? And I've come across that attitude alot in our pan-desi community here at university.

By: Brij

Brij — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 21:40:33 +0000

As statistics always show Anna’s blog-post breaks record again with so many comments So cheers to all mutineers with Aish her father-in-law and husband all in one song

By: Pravin

Pravin — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 18:37:38 +0000

I can understand Indian parents getting little antsy about their kids sex lives in high school. But once they are off in college, come on. It’s even worse when the kids are in their late 20s and some still think their kids are virgins. I think I mentioned this. One of my aunts actually thought her 30 something single nieces did not “do that kind of stuff”.

By: sriternity

sriternity — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 17:44:50 +0000

It’s a funny journey, this rocky evolution of our equations with our folks. My mom had confidently threatened many things when I was growing up. Looking back, boarding school in Pondicherry would’ve absolutely rocked, but instead I did my homework… And from my age of 16 or so it was reiterated that If I did not marry a Tamil Brahmin Iyer I would be disowned… Then 29 rolled by and with 30 fast approaching my Mom eyed the Sindhi, unreligious, carnivorous guy visiting me who was quietly smoking a cigarette on our veranda and said “He’s so cute!” We were later blessed and our Aviyal happily stirred by the folks. It’s amazing how a looming biological clock’s ticking can mellow people out.