The cup is either half empty or half full, depending upon viewpoint.

Good point.

In India it’s expected that at least one of one’s sons will continue living in his parents’ home for his entire life, bringing his bride there as daughter-in-law. This is seen as a noble duty. In the West a grown man living in his parents’ home is seen as a “loser” or someone who could not make it on his own.

Whereas in the West, an elderly and alone parent may sometimes move into the home of a grown daughter or son in their last years when they are absolutely not able to live independently, in India the grown son is living in the parents’ home so the dynamic is that the old parents or grand-parents are still “in charge”.

Also, in the West you see alot of elderly parents moving in with daughters and their families whereas in India you will not see that nearly as much. The daughter marries and moves into the household of her in-laws, not the other way around.

Another factor – social life.

In the West people tend to have a very active social life sometimes right up until death – health willing. Widowed or divorced grannies often date and re-marry. Elderly people are involved in gyms, swimming, biking, various “clubs”, etc. You do not see this so much in India. In India one’s social life is centered around their family. That is why you sometimes see grandparents appearing to be overly involved in their grown grand-kids personal lives. The grandparents in India are not going to the gym, dating, hanging out with friends in cafes, for the most part. Sometimes you will see them actively involved in religious sects and that can take up a good chunk of their time, but otherwise, grandparents in India are very home and family centered, which can be a good or bad thing, depending on how one views that. To an outsider it might appear that they need to “get a life”, but to them that is “life”.

For a son in India not to live with and care for his elderly parents will often leave those parents with “no life”, no social excitement whatsoever, because they will not have grandkids to take up their time. With no grandkids around, living alone, the elderly couple or widowed person may just sit idle lamenting his/her fate. It is very unlikely that they will get their social groove on outside of a family setting, and forget senior dating – not even a concept.

So the social dynamic of India and the West is very, very, very, different.

I’ve noticed that people age in India sooner than in the West. In the West 50 is still considered relatively young and your average 50 year old man or woman can still look “hot” and is most likely dating if divorced or widowed. In India 50 is considered “burda”, old and most people in their 50s and 60s over here do not go out of their way to look “hot”, either for themselves, or for their spouses. For a 55 year old widowed man or women to date around would be considered scandalous, to say the least.

In India people become “helpless” much sooner than in the West. In the West the helpless state usually sets in after 80. In India it can set in as early as the 50s. There may be so many reasons for this.

In general, Westerners have a tendency towards a youthful, active, flirty attitude even in their 50s and 60s, whereas in India that attitude starts to wane mid 30s.

What works there (the West) will not work in India just quite yet.

If caring for elders is an unquestioned virtue, what is the definition of caring for you? Does caring mean making sure one’s parents get healthcare etc. at an old age, or does it involve actually having them in your living space? Is a son who never left home and cared for his family admirable or an unambitious loser? In most (not all, by any means) of white America, answers to these questions are clear. Indians and Indian-Americans, I feel, are still exploring answers to these questions, for very different reasons. And I think these questions deserve discussion and exploration.

Speaking for myself, I am a bit of an individualist, and I do find the presence of in-laws and parents living with me for more than a certain amount of time suffocating. And as I value privacy and personal growth strongly, I do not feel a person is obligated to spend all one’s spare time on one’s family. But the choices are never easy…

I am sure they felt bad about doing it but they must have completely forgotten about it by now and moved on with other life troubles. Because a person who would do this has to have a very troubled life already. We have to keep in mind that nobody does this because they like to do it but this is probably the last recourse for them! Vinash kale viparit buddhi- which means when your time for destruction has come the first thing to get destroyed is your brain. I am sure we will never understand how one human being can take the life of another human being bu I am sure that their mind is so distraught at that time due to various reasons that they cannot identify right from wrong. They think they are doing the right thing at the time but it is certainly wrong. As I said don’t judge them like that-its not their hobby to do such ghastly things, it could be a survival tactic for them -who knows!

You know, I wonder if it was a game of “chicken” gone too far – “if you don’t take her, I can’t keep her. You want her to end up in the garbage dump?!?!” …with the follow-through when no response ensued…

May she be at peace.

Doesn’t France have a good samaritan law?