Comments on: The economics of dating http://sepiamutiny.com/blog/2007/02/22/the_economics_o_1/ All that flavorful brownness in one savory packet Sat, 30 Nov 2013 11:11:28 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: lookyalurker http://sepiamutiny.com/blog/2007/02/22/the_economics_o_1/comment-page-3/#comment-120041 lookyalurker Tue, 27 Feb 2007 20:07:22 +0000 http://sepiamutiny.com?p=4201#comment-120041 <p>Frequent lurker here. I've been luck enough to go through my 20s, 30s, and now hitting 40s, with the same bevy of women friends. Some of us married, others didn't. And in the long run, it just doesn't matter. A-list, B-list, whatever. If he's right for you, go for it. If he doesn't show up when you're 29 or 39, don't sweat it. The truest hell is a marriage in which you're lonely, angry and sad. Buying a house, adopting a kid, planning your retirement, having adventures with your family while parents are still able, and handling financial planning well - you don't need an XY around for that happy life. Me, I found my golden boy late in life, relative to my mom's friends' standards. If he hadn't showed up, it would have worked out OK too.</p> <p>This probably applies to men too, but my guy friends all found interesting women to marry by their late 30s (cross-ref original post). Thank goodness, because too many had a predilection for sitting at their PCs late into the night with ladoo crumbs gracing their nascent tums. And this was before World of Warcraft. Just kidding.</p> <p>From the original post: " Chinese A-list men date B-list women because they don't want someone as smart as them. They want a trophy wife." More power to them. And I wouldn't write the trophy wives off. Groomed and glamorous at 25 can turn into something a lot more interesting at 45.</p> Frequent lurker here. I’ve been luck enough to go through my 20s, 30s, and now hitting 40s, with the same bevy of women friends. Some of us married, others didn’t. And in the long run, it just doesn’t matter. A-list, B-list, whatever. If he’s right for you, go for it. If he doesn’t show up when you’re 29 or 39, don’t sweat it. The truest hell is a marriage in which you’re lonely, angry and sad. Buying a house, adopting a kid, planning your retirement, having adventures with your family while parents are still able, and handling financial planning well – you don’t need an XY around for that happy life. Me, I found my golden boy late in life, relative to my mom’s friends’ standards. If he hadn’t showed up, it would have worked out OK too.

This probably applies to men too, but my guy friends all found interesting women to marry by their late 30s (cross-ref original post). Thank goodness, because too many had a predilection for sitting at their PCs late into the night with ladoo crumbs gracing their nascent tums. And this was before World of Warcraft. Just kidding.

From the original post: ” Chinese A-list men date B-list women because they don’t want someone as smart as them. They want a trophy wife.” More power to them. And I wouldn’t write the trophy wives off. Groomed and glamorous at 25 can turn into something a lot more interesting at 45.

]]> By: Mr. X in Bombay http://sepiamutiny.com/blog/2007/02/22/the_economics_o_1/comment-page-3/#comment-119824 Mr. X in Bombay Mon, 26 Feb 2007 17:51:15 +0000 http://sepiamutiny.com?p=4201#comment-119824 <ol> <li><p>More desi guys marry out than desi women</p></li> <li><p>Desi women tend to be much more involved in the poco left than men. Desi mean tend to be have broader political leanings, but are no less politically involved (for the democrat candidate, I support, I see a lot of desi mean involved in fundraising, etc., a few women but not really that many)</p></li> <li><p>Status matters. Deal with it. For men and women. Looks matter for both genders, but once you get beyond a certain acceptability threshold, things like breeding, education, cultural fluency are much more critical</p></li> </ol>

  • More desi guys marry out than desi women

  • Desi women tend to be much more involved in the poco left than men. Desi mean tend to be have broader political leanings, but are no less politically involved (for the democrat candidate, I support, I see a lot of desi mean involved in fundraising, etc., a few women but not really that many)

  • Status matters. Deal with it. For men and women. Looks matter for both genders, but once you get beyond a certain acceptability threshold, things like breeding, education, cultural fluency are much more critical

    • ]]>         By: YABADABADOOO http://sepiamutiny.com/blog/2007/02/22/the_economics_o_1/comment-page-3/#comment-119805 YABADABADOOO Mon, 26 Feb 2007 16:21:46 +0000 http://sepiamutiny.com?p=4201#comment-119805 <p><i>desi women on the other hand will go to the white team everytime before they go to back to India</i></p> <p>So its a team now? so given a choice you'd rather jump ship.</p> <p><i>It seems all dating threads on SM come back to whiny guys whinging on about how desi women don't go for them.</i></p> <p>AND some whiny girls who want to know where to find guys. This is not a one sided opinion, but guys and gals have their set of complaints. Desi guys complaining about girls marrying outside their race AND desi gurls complaining about ABdesi guys going back to india and getting married.</p> desi women on the other hand will go to the white team everytime before they go to back to India

    So its a team now? so given a choice you’d rather jump ship.

    It seems all dating threads on SM come back to whiny guys whinging on about how desi women don’t go for them.

    AND some whiny girls who want to know where to find guys. This is not a one sided opinion, but guys and gals have their set of complaints. Desi guys complaining about girls marrying outside their race AND desi gurls complaining about ABdesi guys going back to india and getting married.

    ]]>         By: No von Mises http://sepiamutiny.com/blog/2007/02/22/the_economics_o_1/comment-page-3/#comment-119775 No von Mises Mon, 26 Feb 2007 12:10:53 +0000 http://sepiamutiny.com?p=4201#comment-119775 <p>Where do mother-in-laws come from?</p> Where do mother-in-laws come from?

    ]]>         By: SP http://sepiamutiny.com/blog/2007/02/22/the_economics_o_1/comment-page-3/#comment-119772 SP Mon, 26 Feb 2007 09:44:47 +0000 http://sepiamutiny.com?p=4201#comment-119772 <p>Do I sense a little resentment from some of the men here that "their" women should dare to exercise their choice outside the "community" instead of sticking to the roles assigned to them? What's wrong with being open-minded about who we love, and why the need to put down "white guys" as "safe and docile" choices? Is marrying a fellow desi not "safe" in its own way, and don't most desis end up marrying each other? It seems all dating threads on SM come back to whiny guys whinging on about how desi women don't go for them.</p> <p>And the silly sexism and insecurity exhibited by some men on this thread reveals why they might not be so desirable to women of any ethnic background.</p> Do I sense a little resentment from some of the men here that “their” women should dare to exercise their choice outside the “community” instead of sticking to the roles assigned to them? What’s wrong with being open-minded about who we love, and why the need to put down “white guys” as “safe and docile” choices? Is marrying a fellow desi not “safe” in its own way, and don’t most desis end up marrying each other? It seems all dating threads on SM come back to whiny guys whinging on about how desi women don’t go for them.

    And the silly sexism and insecurity exhibited by some men on this thread reveals why they might not be so desirable to women of any ethnic background.

    ]]>         By: BD girl http://sepiamutiny.com/blog/2007/02/22/the_economics_o_1/comment-page-3/#comment-119771 BD girl Mon, 26 Feb 2007 08:56:39 +0000 http://sepiamutiny.com?p=4201#comment-119771 <p>Oops! typo.. <em>consider</em> should be <em>compare</em></p> Oops! typo.. consider should be compare

    ]]>         By: BD girl http://sepiamutiny.com/blog/2007/02/22/the_economics_o_1/comment-page-3/#comment-119770 BD girl Mon, 26 Feb 2007 08:54:01 +0000 http://sepiamutiny.com?p=4201#comment-119770 <p>Emma, for Bangladeshi ladies it is different. A lot of muslim women (including BDA women) may go back to desh to get married. There's a major cultural difference if you consider muslim American desi women with other American desi women.</p> Emma, for Bangladeshi ladies it is different. A lot of muslim women (including BDA women) may go back to desh to get married. There’s a major cultural difference if you consider muslim American desi women with other American desi women.

    ]]>         By: Manju http://sepiamutiny.com/blog/2007/02/22/the_economics_o_1/comment-page-3/#comment-119762 Manju Mon, 26 Feb 2007 04:33:50 +0000 http://sepiamutiny.com?p=4201#comment-119762 <p>^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sexual Realpolitik</p> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sexual Realpolitik

    ]]>         By: bytewords http://sepiamutiny.com/blog/2007/02/22/the_economics_o_1/comment-page-3/#comment-119761 bytewords Mon, 26 Feb 2007 04:10:51 +0000 http://sepiamutiny.com?p=4201#comment-119761 <p>so much whining! from a male perspective, get rich first---otherwise you are not worth anything. that is the way it has always been, that is what it will be. no amount of "political correctness" will ever make you attractive to a woman who is of higher "status" than you are. the flexibility is in what she considers "status"---for some women it is education, for others it is money, etc.</p> so much whining! from a male perspective, get rich first—otherwise you are not worth anything. that is the way it has always been, that is what it will be. no amount of “political correctness” will ever make you attractive to a woman who is of higher “status” than you are. the flexibility is in what she considers “status”—for some women it is education, for others it is money, etc.

    ]]>         By: Emma http://sepiamutiny.com/blog/2007/02/22/the_economics_o_1/comment-page-3/#comment-119748 Emma Mon, 26 Feb 2007 00:23:43 +0000 http://sepiamutiny.com?p=4201#comment-119748 <p>Very interesting, sa! But I've met a few BDA (Bangladeshi American, my own abbreviation) ladies who went back to see if they could find husband material (or sometimes they did it for their parents). In most of these cases, they decided that the guys were "too different" for them to marry. In one case, the woman left after 6 months b/c the husband was physically abusive! It is not uncommon to see BDA ladies w/ recent immigrants (FOB is getting tired). In BDA circles, these guys are usually preferred (by the parents) b/c they are thought to be more virtuous, malleable (one lady said that her daughter can "train her husband" to do what she wants), hard workers, etc.</p> Very interesting, sa! But I’ve met a few BDA (Bangladeshi American, my own abbreviation) ladies who went back to see if they could find husband material (or sometimes they did it for their parents). In most of these cases, they decided that the guys were “too different” for them to marry. In one case, the woman left after 6 months b/c the husband was physically abusive! It is not uncommon to see BDA ladies w/ recent immigrants (FOB is getting tired). In BDA circles, these guys are usually preferred (by the parents) b/c they are thought to be more virtuous, malleable (one lady said that her daughter can “train her husband” to do what she wants), hard workers, etc.

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