Comments on: On “Saving” Someone From An Arranged Marriage

By: rain_maiden

rain_maiden — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 09:49:28 +0000

I am not the one to usually comment on blogs but today its different.. Plus in a weird way i could connect to this article As a young desi girl, and someone who is still not married at the age of 25, i am the worry of everyone’s minds..”when oh when will i get married” because if i dont get married soon, i will lose the good guys on the market (Today is my birthday and that is the lecture i get from my mom). I have been brought up outside of India all my life though i was actually born there..And i m proud to admit that I have tried to balance my indian side with my american/canadian side fairly well…but this also brings a lot contradictions..I may look indian and still watch bollywood movies, but i don’t have the indian mentality or thinking about many things. The whole thing about how women have to make the most sacrifices in Indian marriages, and i especially hate the fact that being a girl at times, according to some people, means a “burden” to her parents until she is married because then she is someone else’s responsibility..I mean God forbid you actually trust the girl to take care of herself. Anyhow point being-Even though I am very much unsure about arrange marriages at this point, i see some working and some don’t and obviously if i m guilt tripped and blackmailed into it, i might even agree to see someone(has not happened yet- THANK GOD). But here is the thing, I would agree to see someone who is like me with the whole balancing both cultures thing. Someone who is ok with me not even thinking about changing my name or someone who thinks that i m more then a wallpaper and have a career of my own with my own ambitions and aspirations which i m not going to give up because of someone. I mean personally i do not see myself with someone who is brought up in India and is in america to study..( I am trying not to use the word FOB cause people took it really offensively in one of the other posts) LIKEWISE- this girl Neet in the article is born and brought up in INDIA, she has never been away from her parents, never gone on dates or did not even start working at 15 because why would u work when ur parents can provide u with all the money u need, and to expect such a girl to be completely compatible with someone who is in America and stuff is just weird. Don’t get me wrong, women in india are very liberated too, they are doctors and engineers too, however they are brought up with this notion that they should learn to sacrifice for their husband, for their in-laws blah blah..And in dire circumstances, she will be the first one to quit her career because she is a woman and Indian women are the “epitomy of sacrifice and devotion.” Its just different- THe most important thing in any marriage is compatibility and shared values- this can happen only if the couple is on the same wavelength about certain things in their life. After that, if the marriage is love or arranged, it does’nt matter.

By: desigirl

desigirl — Thu, 18 Jan 2007 00:37:20 +0000

Not sure if this is worth checking out...

A follow-up to the Passage to India article from the NYTimes this past Sunday - the author has appeared in India Abroad this week - she's really using the Indian/multi-culti, race-awareness, and gender-issues angle to the other extreme in this one.

It seems like in the NYTimes article she dismisses life in India (racist) and projects herself as a enlightened saviour of her "meek" cousin and her existence in Bihar (ultimately subjugating her life as not valid enough), and here she sees herself as a very confused in-between. So how could she have known what was best for someone else i.e. Neet, if she is still trying to sort out her own self? It might just be called selling yourself and your values to get ahead in order to get what you want i.e. ultimately being published, as it seems by the book/s she has out.

It's in Encounter's page - in the magazine section of the India Abroad weekly paper.

By: Mistress of Spices

Mistress of Spices — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 23:00:31 +0000

I do agree (like most everyone else) that Chandra's meddling in her cousin's life was pretty fucking annoying.

Annoying perhaps, but isn't it typical?

By: Deepa

Deepa — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 21:48:00 +0000

You're Pardesi Gori aren't you?!
It took you so long to ID MOS.
What is this apparent common knowledge? What the...!!

I'll second that! doh

By: Samir

Samir — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 08:28:36 +0000

There are so many people here who were born in USA lived there all their life, their only first hand experience with India would vacationing there. That hardly qualifies someone to comment on a rapidly changing nation.

and i agree with some original poster that arranged marriage is NOT forced marriage

By: Salil Maniktahla

Salil Maniktahla — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 06:53:25 +0000

sigh

last one to the party, as usual.

Dammit! (surveys wreckage, shakes head sadly) Looks like it was quite an event, too.

I do agree (like most everyone else) that Chandra's meddling in her cousin's life was pretty fucking annoying. Portraying yourself as a freedom-loving American advocating choice while trying to impose your will on your cousin in India sounds pretty hypocritical to me.

She could totally work for the Bush administration, though.

By: Neal

Neal — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 06:48:22 +0000

You're Pardesi Gori aren't you?!

Scooby-Doo moment!

By: sakshi

sakshi — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 05:10:59 +0000

You're Pardesi Gori aren't you?!

What, and no lingam references yet?

By: Janeofalltrades

Janeofalltrades — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 05:08:45 +0000

You're Pardesi Gori aren't you?!
It took you so long to ID MOS.

What is this apparent common knowledge? What the...!!

By: Kush Tandon

Kush Tandon — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 04:59:55 +0000

You're Pardesi Gori aren't you?!

It took you so long to ID MOS.