I haven’t seen Chicken Tikka Masala but I’ve seen similar storylines played out in movies for other cultures. One was focused on a gay chinese new york male who marries and is subsequently raped by a wisp of a woman. He does it all for the sake of his culture. Arranged marriage itself is good fodder for movies because there’s just so much of the unknown there. I grew up around it all my life and I still know nothing about it.

I also agreed with Tennis’s advice. It’s an interesting change of pace for an advice column so I see how it got up there.

There are tools one employs to gain/acheive something.

Some tools don’t work, some do, it all depends at the end of the day how you communicate your viewpoint and ideas. Knowing the person you’re talking to and how you can ‘reach’ them is critical. Honesty is at the core of it all, but tact and being honest are not mutually exlusive. Some people respond to emotionally charged ‘raw’ honestly, some need the truth layed out in a far more analytical and unemotional tone. Understanding the other person’s language figuratively is important and can only be gained with time and experience. If folks dive into an arranged marriage without much interaction, knowing each other’s tune, needs, wants, etc. will take some time. If you’re expecting this all to line up from day one, it won’t. And if you’re not willing to spend that time, then get the fook out and move on.

Does your partner want to know about your past sexual/relationship history for validating themselves or are they genuinely interested in know how you’ve evolved? Is your partner’s self esteem and security attached to idea of staying married over the substance of the interactions in the marriage? Is your partner probing for information on you as a power move, to use against you and give a guilt trip about it? This can go on and on. Putting blinders on and following a set of rules will never get you to your destination with your significant other. Again, try to know yourself. If YOU think knowing the answer to a certain question will change things then take responsibility for the consequences of it and a plan to approach an answer you may not like (vice versa is true for those answering a question).

You’re such a bore. if it wasn’t for the very fact that my wife and i would soon be sharing the osbcurest, most secretive and often times hideous revelations about one another after we started living together, our marriage would have suffered from stagnation, disinterest and misuse of the rolling pin. in fact, we’ve created a game out of it we call SURPRISE!. SURPRISE! can be played anywhere, so long as you have the two requisite players, Him and Her (SURPRISE! for Gay Couples is sold separately). Additional players, while not mandatory, are welcome, and can make for some very exciting games of SURPRISE!.

The objective of SURPRISE! is to rile up the other player to the point of physical exhaustion and mental breakdown, forcing them out of the game, or, depending on where SURPRISE! is being played, a house, hotel, Holi function, your dadiji’s khet or marriage itself, by catching them “off-guard” with knowledge that would most likely cause the opponent to “lose their shit”, “wish you were dead” or, like, “totally freak out”.

SURPRISE! only has two rules:

(1) In SURPRISE! both players must be legally married through means of arranged marriage. If either one player had any prior knowledge of the other, including interests, desires, ambitions or past, they are automatically disqualified. (2) In SURPRISE!, while you may panic and feel flabbergasted by what is revealed by your significant other, at no point during the game can you act out your aggressions. To do so would constitute a forfeiture of your turn. Any subsequent violations of this rule result in the termination of the game and a long, nasty talk with your in-laws.

Sample Turn:

Roop and Shalini are getting ready for bed. Roop coos to Shalini, approaching her with seasoned finesse, becoming more and more intimate with each soft curl of his breath. Shalini, inexperienced in sexual contexts, attempts to follow Roop’s lead, placing her soft, delicate hands on his chest and shoulders. Soon, they’re both enjoying a heated embrace, as they nuzzle the other’s neck and ears, whispering confessions of love and forever fondness. The lights are now dimmed and Roop undoes the drawstring knot of his pants, while Shalini peeks with coquettish charm. “What’s he doing!” she asks herself. “She’s looks ravishing!”, Roop thinks. Just then, Roop flops onto his belly, making Shalini even more curious than before. Roops guides Shalini’s hands around his waist and back as she grows increasingly timid yet awkwardly comforted from Roop’s confidence. Just then, Roop traces Shalini’s fingertips dangerously close to the edge of his butthole, then gliding it once, and then twice over it’s puckered surface. Roop sounds a long, deep moan. Shalini shrieks in horror and screams “HAI BHAGWAN!!!!! and slaps him across the face.

SURPRISE!!!

In this turn of SURPRISE! several things happened. First, it’s quite clear from Shalini’s intial responses to Roop’s movements, that she’s not as adept at sexual foreplay, but has a “sound” idea of how it generally works. She easily reciprocates, rallying the occassional kiss, or gentle caress. Roops, on the other hand, has in place a strategy to expose one of his hidden perversions; ass play. Roop seizes her hands and ambushes his own butt using her fingers. From her reply, she CLEARLY did not expect this and was caught by SURPRISE!. But the face-slap was a “no no”, and for that, Roop still wins this round as Shalini can only hope that her intuition is more loyal to her next time.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/27/fashion/27parents.html?ex=1154232000&en=8079e486e21bfbe5&ei=5087

Hehe. Delcious irony, I would say. And good on the parents for helping their kids.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/27/fashion/27parents.html?ex=1154232000&en=8079e486e21bfbe5&ei=5087

Yes, we know this. That is why we left the comment up and did not ban the IP address, just in case. However, that IP address has only appeared in the past in connection with one particular commenter, and repeatedly so. We’ll leave it at that for now.