OK last post I swearÂ…I swear no more. Kill it kill it kill it kill it kill it ALREADYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!

I just think identifying oneself by one’s skin colour (something South Asians here in the UK don’t do, by the way) is a very, very bad idea. In my view, as I mentioned earlier, it’s a “step backwards”, and I also have reservations about the notion of desis using something as superficial as their skin colour as their primary form of self-identification, even if the term is just casual slang.

To me it isn’t about identifying myself by the color of my skin but attached to the sense of pride in being a different shade. I work in the Cosmetics industry, one that caters to white women and black woman and of late some hispanic shades but leaves out catering to Asian women (yellow base) and South Asian women (olive base) and being brown is something I have to reiterate over and over when we do new product launches. Not to use as a slang but to point out that it’s a different group of people, with different identities and different looks that should be taken into account and not disregarded. To me it’s more a matter of pride than anything else and I see that with the usage of the word everywhere.

Oh yeah I hear ya. For all the ‘desi culture’ bitching I do to my coworkers, one German, the other Italian, we have all agreed that it’s the first generation culture that causes friction…because they experience pretty much the same thing with their parents.

Chitrangada,

I think you are assuming that you are alone in your offense to desi men who claim they dislike desi women and find only white women attractive. You aren’t. There are plenty of men so far that have taken equal offense to this. I’m unsure whether you are new on SM but rest assured I take nothing for granted here because there are so many strong readers here from all spectrums that any one particular line of thought is almost impossible to maintain. The one thing that doesn’t exist here is monopoly of a mindset. It takes all kinds. If you made a post about only loving white men and dissing brown brothers an equal number of brown chicks will come after you as well. Of course to each their own and I respect your entitlement to your thought process but you have by and large misunderstood Jai.

Too late. Abhi already used the rifle on himself about 200 comments ago. It is not he who is threatening violence here.

Thank God.

As for the Dert-Chitrangada love affair, just shut up. Please. You don’t need to explain yourself.

Aditi,

Thank you very much for your kind words in my support. I also agree with everything you said in post #548, as indicated by own previous (apparently unsuccessful) attempts to say the same things but in a diplomatic and sensitive manner. Not that it made any difference in the end, of course. I would say that, to some extent, this is a textbook case of the “desi princess” with a chip on her shoulder who is partially (possibly significantly) responsible for the problems she encounters in this regard. I guess we can do our best to offer some objective analysis and constructive advice, and hope that the egotism and sense of grievance is controlled sufficiently to allow the person concerned to at least take some of it on board.

Dert,

Buddy, back in ’96 I think most of us college-age desis here in the UK were “black gangstas” as far as we were concerned

This quote is so sad. Do secure people really (over)react this way? As far as I can tell, this rah-rah rant came as a response to some poster (Jai?) mildly and accurately pointing out that more attractive women get more attention. Chitrangada’s response, to me, sounds like someone protesting too much. No woman who’s genuinely confident about her appearance – hey, no mentally sound woman that I know of — would objectify/demean herself like this and for what? Besides, I think most people take www declarations of beauty, brains, wealth etc with a veritable granary of salt.

Regarding the above quote, taken together with this:

I once had with an ex, when after much interrogation he confessed I didn’t have the body type he had always chased after. This was a puzzle to me, because the guy was always all over me, totally devoted, told me I was the sexiest woman he’d ever been with, we had amazing sex etc

apart from massive insecurity, the phrase that comes to mind is “inappropriate self-disclosure.” While I can’t say with certainty that you personally need to learn how to set boundaries, I would certainly think that people who make these sort of statements might want to consider it.

What kind of person is so in need of the approval of people she doesn’t even know that she would actually announce to these strangers that she has a “stellar ass”? Hey, I think you forgot to mention your cup size. Also, I think this discussion is too one-sided — men, please post descriptions of your noteworthy sexual attributes because God knows, we all want to know. It really adds class to the forum.

In her response to Jai:

Your hectoring about arrogance and ‘inner beauty’ is not only tritely expressed but deeply ironic in light of the myriad superfical and self-serving statements by various posters on this thread.

Lady, I have read the man’s posts and IMHO, there is nothing hectoring or trite about what he said. Not only does the good man spare us an description of his anatomized anatomy (nothing personal, Jai ok, you know what I mean:-)), he has been mild and even courteous, more courteous than you deserve. He even pays you the courtesy of responding with reasoned analysis to your unwarranted hostility. On the other hand, while you occasionally make a salient point, your “argumentation” often consists of taking general statements/observations as personal attacks and reacting with thinly-veiled insults.

Moreover, when you referred to “superfical and self-serving statements,” I wonder, did you have this prize example in mind?:

I’ll have you know this: I’m beautiful. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have been puzzled at the lack of desi attention. I’ve got it all: 5″6, 125 pounds, fit, large eyes, regular features, long, thick hair, full lips, long legs, stellar ass if I do say so myself

Hey, begging everyone’s pardon, I just had to see that inanity again! I laugh every time I read it.

I was also struck by this:

I agree that inner beauty is paramount for both sexes

Yes, which is why you posted that gem. Now, maybe I missed something in the mass of messages up there, but I don’t recall any statements from you that would support your belated claim of believing in “inner beauty”. I guess that while readers can go without reading about your intellect, your interests and hobbies, your spirituality etc, nevertheless we MUST know that you have “large eyes” and “full lips.” Yes, it’s all about inner beauty, folks.

Finally, I’m not sure how to read “regular” features. Should I think “modesty” or “ouch”? Never mind; if it’s the latter, it is possible that you got them beat in the ass department.

Honestly, I haven’t heard it verbalized as much as I’ve seen it written down. And I think it’s written down here more so than other places. It reminds me of a tongue in cheek discussion I had with a friend way back in 1996, we went to a “desi party” and one of the more “urbanized” desi’s, as I like to call them, starting saying things like “wassup n*gga, where you at.” – to another desi.

So afterwards, my friend lamented the fact that we didn’t have our own word a la “n*gga” and the best he came up with was “brownie”, so he called me “brownie” for a week before it wore off. In his case, it was a sorry attempt to sound more “street” when clearly our history doesn’t dictate or warrant it, in the least.

and hairy_d, what gives man? I already realized I wasn’t “stellar-ass” worthy!