Lizzie, congrats to you for having the cojones to wear a sari, AND at a desi boyfriend’s family function. Wow!

I say that for two reasons: First, my ex’s family and community were sufficiently aghast and disturbed by and opposed to the notion of us being together, I can just imagine how much worse the reax would have been had I had the temerity to wrap myself up in a sari at the weddings we attended back in India. I can hear all the aunties hitting the wedding hall floor in a group faint as I type!

And second, I wear a lot of long and short kurtas during the summer and, given that there’s a large desi community near where I live, I feel somehwat queasy when passing folks at the shops or public transport, half wondering if some folks are thinking “Oh God! Vite Voman in Indian clothing, chi chi chi!” But hey, they’re pretty and comfortable in the hot weather (if only they didn’t have to be hand-laundered), so I soldier on.

In any case, the kindness of your responses is much appreciated. Thanks

Like to remarked to Anna and Cicatrix at the last meetup, I don’t find TrampStamps that hot. I think very few men find them hot. Without getting any more graphic, we want to see lovely brown SKIN there… not some sickly green thing there. Tattoos are hot, no doubt about that — but when they are in the form of a small thingie on the thigh, or a shoulder blade. Not all over the upper gluteal area/waist.

If someone judges you by your attire before learning who you are or what your story is, then they’re just being judgemental– and then why even care what they think?

Lizzie, the fact that you are even open to discussing this issue and think about it on a philosophical level gives you enough right to wear whatever you want. You aren’t a poser if it’s something you love and enjoy being part of. And to a degree even if it’s exoticized there isn’t anything wrong with it. I lived off and on in Hong Kong for 3 years and own a couple of traditional chinese dresses that I happily wear from time to time. I’d think it was silly if someone were to call me a poser but in the grand scheme of things, at the end of the day, does it really matter?

We are a sum of so many complex experiences and cultures in this country. I think I’m lucky living in NYC to come across people from so many parts of the world where as I may not have had that opportunity somewhere else. Some of it will naturally rub off. One day we’ll all be a big pool of just humans…no religion no race . Nothing wrong with that. Wear away and do as you please. If someone thinks you are a poser without understanding you, it’s their loss.

I’m white, and my partner is South Asian. I’ve worn saris to a couple of weddings for his friends and family. After a while, it got kinda old borrowing from his aunt, so I bought a couple of my own. I almost wore one to a non-South Asian wedding once, but backed out at the last minute (didn’t want to outshine the bride . I just find myself wondering about the line between enjoying and sharing my partner’s culture, and the exoticization of it. I mean, sometimes you see white folks wearing bindis and crinkle skirts and your first thought is “poser,” but then just the other day I saw a woman in a salwar kameez looking comfy and totally at home, and I thought “oh, she must have a personal connection – family, time spent in Asia, etc”. I tell myself I have more wiggle room b/c of my partner; I have a more personal connection to and reason for participating in this culture and its fashion. But does that extend to a situation where, say, I attend an event by myself? I think if people saw me in a sari without my partner beside me, they’d think “poser” too. (And maybe that doesn’t matter.)

I try and think about why I think wearing a sari is awesome. My best friend in 1st grade was Indian and I remember seeing her mother wearing a different brightly-colored sari every day and thinking how beautiful she was, and how much I’d love to try one on. I think about being willing and eager to embrace parts of my partner’s culture as he embraces parts of mine, as we create a life together. But then I also think, hang on, do you just think they’re beautiful as part of an internalized white-folks reaction to the ‘exotic’? Prolly that too. Very complicated. We perform ourselves partly through fashion – I guess my question is – Is a white person’s appropriation of non-white fashion always exploitative? I’ve definitely gotten positive responses from people while wearing a sari – some people seem happy to see a white girl in a sari, happy that the fashion flow can go both ways (“reverse colonization,” as a coworker of my sister’s called her slow taking over of their shared desk). At the same time, I think some people’s immediate response, especially in everyday life, is to feel possessive of their culture and resentful if someone unworthy (like a white person, given all the history and power dynamics, etc inherent in white people’s ‘borrowing’ from the cultures they colonized and marginalized) takes it upon themselves to adopt markers of that culture.

Whew. I guess I’ll just throw all that out there and hope I don’t get taken down for being off-topic. Thanks for any responses.

Sweet. You’re right, I should’ve looked it up before yapping. I was watching a blurb about a woman whose anestheologist told her that she would have to have a chunk of her tattoo removed if she wanted an epidural and she opted for a ‘natural’ birth. Poor lady. Last time I believe the tube.

Trampstamp here I come! Ha.

Probably not a good thing to do considering these things are permanent and not easy (or pleasant) to remove, of course, but I guess the people concerned aren’t really thinking long-term about these actions anyway. And I had no idea they had such a bad rep over there in the US.

But they still look quite naughty