Sorry CAD Masi, I have a little too much life-experience and am too much of a romantic fool to be the right victim candidate for a CAD-facilitated hookup

What is all this baqwaas about being “romantic”? In our culture, we say “marry first, fall in love after. Not the other way around”. We are not Amreekans and Vesterners, beta.

If we don’t follow a carefully organized and highly systematic mating ritual that has passed the test of time, how the hell do you expect to get married? Oho, you’re a “romantic fool”– do you imagine yourself frollicking around in tight jeans in a lush garden while your beloved coyly hides behind tree trunks and flirtaciously attempts to thwart your attempts at grabbing the end of her sari so you can reel that wench towards you to have pre-marital sex?!

Don’t be fooled by Bollywood filums beta. That is not reality.

Tighten your speedos and get ready munna. According to our timetable, you are going to get married in India by the end of this summer. Plus, we are all looking forward to having grandchildren. We are getting old now and we don’t want to die without seeing our line extended.

Never mind. I’m sure there are lots of other SM commenters here who would be willing victims participants in the usual CAD-arranged tray-full-of-ladoos-and-coy-shyness “introduction” meetings that have worked so spectacularly well for countless desis across the aeons

After all, copies of biodata and a handful of meetings is all that is required to make an informed decision on whether one can happily spending the rest of one’s life with someone and have a deeply emotionally-fulfilling relationship with them…..This is common sense. Any uncle or auntie could tell you that !

Not quite. I’m afraid I’m not an arranged marriage kinda guy.

Beta, why?! Look, I think you have the traditional conception of arranged marriages, ie. you see the woman you are going to spend the rest of your life with only on your wedding day. Things have changed in India, beta. We’re modern now. We show you pictures and her biodata; if you like her, we bring you to her family’s home and you see each other; then, if you still like, you two get to go out on one chaperoned date to find out whether she is the ladki for you. If you like her, we’ll arrange the shaadi as soon as possible. If you don’t like her, then we start the process all over again with someone else. Some may say that this is like a highly specialized meat market, and that the agency of the individual is compromised. This is not true!! This is Western propaganda.

This is how we do it, beta. This is the way it was done, it has been done, and it will be done. It is in our Desi culture. This is the ways of our people. Arranged marriages have worked for centuries, there is no reason why we should change this now!

Ahhh…but what is she thinking?

Good to see you’ve finally managed to crack the SM symbols malarkey.

With regards to other matters:

So, did you choose a couple that interest you? Let me know, so I can go conduct an interview with her and her folks.

Not quite. I’m afraid I’m not an arranged marriage kinda guy. Also, a Saucy Wench is naughty but not cheap or nasty. Pertinent examples of suitably Saucy Wenches are as follows:

Edie (Nicolette Sheridan’s character) in Desperate Housewives. Julie Cooper in The OC. Lois Lane in Smallville.

And so on and so forth.

I hope everyone realises that in real life I’m actually a lot quieter and better-behaved than I may appear to be here Sure!

No, I really am. Okay, apparently I don’t look or sound the type, but I assure you that I am, despite the fact that I can’t even politely talk to a young Indian woman at a desi get-together without her parents getting paranoid that I’ll be giving their precious daughter a “happy ending” by the close of the evening…..

I hope I’ve done you proud.

Now I am going to try the links symbol:http://mrpatelrap.ytmnd.com/

I selected the text, and then clicked on the quotes symbol. The end result is posted above.