I don’t think dating someone indian versus not indian is a binary choice, one over the other. People are taken as individuals, and the package someone comes in is the package they come in.

As an Indian guy, as we were growing up, most of us were not appreciated for our brown-ness per se. It was the rare Indian guy who was popular in high school to the extent where dating was a ho-hum thing, Also, many Indian girls did often specifically avoid Indian boys. Particularly if they were out-going and popular. It often seemed easier for mainstream dudes to date. Our society has changed a lot since even the early 90′s in this regard. This is not to say anything other than, this was the experience for a lot of Indian guys, and this colors our experiences.

Also, Indian boys were not encouraged to date. And since the desi household was very comfortable for Indian boys, it was easier to listen to our parents and stay put for the time being.

But at some point you put that away and start living life. And then you’re left with a few dilemnas. For one thing, men mature less fast than women, and some of the mature life decisions with regard to dating include; what does this relationship mean in terms of how I see myself as an adult. That can take awhile for dudes to figure out.

Given all that, once you get to a point where you have things figured out, in some semblence of a way, its almost the hardest part. Now you have to find what you finally figured out you want. Thats when the lack of the binary also comes into play. Dating for an indian man is not simple, even though it also is simple. To me thats the one thing I would like to generally get across, that we are making choices based on the inter-action our ethnicity has on our life experience, as well as simply making choices based on our life experience regardless of ethnicity.

q.e.d (i’m being deprecating, this is far from a proof of anything)

Woo hoo! – that means you’ll have to do some “research” Any willing subject???

Dhaavak yesterday WNYC (NPR) had Sree Sreenivasan sitting in for Brian Lehrer and he had Caitlin Flanagan the author of To Hell and All That: Loving and Loathing Our Inner Housewife that talks about this very same issue of women and their struggles with balancing family/career and making choices and the politics that is fueled by it and how feminism and the struggle is affected by it.

Incidentally today non other then the Illhindu stood in for Lehrer.

So – do you also, ahem, ‘run like the duracell bunny’? Just trying to weigh my options.

Brownfrown, the bellydancer is someone I know who is looking for a change of scenery. She’s also old and is missing a couple of teeth, but she still beats a water buffalo anytime.

Earlier, we were talking about how to make the decision to stay home and raise children less financially fraught for women and families. But for the next half hour, we looked at who–in fact—is having children at all. Feminism is often given credit for forcing family issues to the political forefront, including decriminalizing abortion, making birth control widely available and encouraging women into the workforce…all of which deliver a sucker punch to patriarchy… Those advances have also been blamed for the falling birth rate, at least among Western liberals who embrace progressive ideas about family. But according to my next guest, fewer children could signal liberalism’s ultimate demise because, he says, it’s the conservatives who will eventually inherit the earth… Well, adjusting demographics and birth rates doesn’t just affect social values and family life. As we just heard, there is also an economic impact — caused by who’s in and who’s out of the workforce.

realaudio here

I was actually going to write a post about desi dating from the male perspective and I was even thinking about the title “Sepia Destiny.” I’m not even kidding. It was going to be a manly post full of manly insight drawing parallels to one of my favorite books. It would have been more in the style/tone of writing I use on my personal blog than on SM. Taz came up with the similar idea you see here and beat me to it. It is still in my head but now I will wait several months until I am slightly more jaded and perhaps while I am on a bender. I work best when I’m feeling like Pollack

what naughty euphemism? tsk tsk this generation. when i was younger we never asked all these questions. in my old age i see all you tykes like this. what tragedy.

No – you can’t do that – not until we get to hear your input on this posting!

dating while desi…is more complicated than Sudoku puzzles

Sahej said it all in comment #3

For some reason it reminds me a little of that one “Friends” episode: “You hang up. No, you hang up. No, you hang up.”