there are infinite combinations of home environments that either household (adoptive or biological) that can expose a child to abuse. the grass is always greener on the other side.

most importantly, for those that are shocked by the girl’s absorbing racist/painful images of india and calcutta, we realize that we can’t blame the children for their absorbing racism and ignorance from the predominantly white society around them and their own parent’s inherent racism. yes, white people who adopt brown children can still harbor phenomenal ignorance and racism.

please see this thread in my own blog for a hearty discussion on adoption, racism, transnational adoption, gay parent rights, and a host of other difficult topics to compromise.

DesiDancer on January 25, 2006 01:39 PM · Direct link · “Quote�(?)

Amitabh- don’t jump my shit, I’m not hating on the mom, but I do feel that denying the fact that her child is brown, adopted, and not visually a fit-in is short-sighted. She has probably given her daughter many many opportunities that she could never have dreamed of, had she not been adopted by this loving family. But the fact of the matter is that ignoring it won’t make it any less of a problem, much in line with Tom Cruise’s banal comments on how he doesn’t see his adopted kids by their skin color– unfortunately the rest of the world does, and despite it being every parent’s dream to protect their child 24-7, all the world around, there are times when the child will be away from their parents’ protection and guidance and have to learn to fend for themselves. Denying that the world is often prejudicial is naive.

I’m mixed-race-desi, but I still get asked if my parents spoke English at home, or if we played with snakes, ate monkey brains, or rode elephants. Despite the fact that we played with Legos, ate Cottage Inn Pizza and rode a Toyota or a Huffy. Ignorance is everywhere and eventually children must leave their utopic homes. It is a parent’s duty to arm them effectively to protect themselves. Further, there are ways to do it without negating the adoptive family in the least. Undoubtedly these young women are proud of their adoptive families, and their roles in them. Being “you” shouldn’t come at the expense of any of the parts that comprise you. From what I got out of the film, the girls were not the least bit ungrateful for the opportunities they had been given in life, with 100% credit to their adoptive families. BUT. They still said that they felt a void or a gap, or just that they didn’t fit in, and that they felt somehow impelled to discover “their culture” whether it be through culinary outlets or ordering a sari online. If a parent shrugs or ignores this desire in their child, a desire to know who they are and where they come from, it’s just sad.

I’m not hating on the mother, I hope that after this trip she sees what impact it had on her daughter and encourages her to define herself however she chooses.

Thank you for your opinion, but how do you know that the mother hasn’t encouraged her daughter to define herself however she chooses? Pretty sure the mother DOES not deny the fact that her daughter is Brown. Maybe color doesn’t matter to her..ever think of that?!

the site is down, looks awesome.. can’t wait to see it.. thanks!

msmonir@gmail.com

“A Preference Plays Out” – (Missing: 50 million Indian girls) http://www.rediff.com/news/2004/aug/09dilip.htm

I’ve been meaning to mention this for a while now, but it’s nice to see that you’re happy with the desi side of your identity/ancestry; other people from mixed-marriages I’ve encountered here in the UK sometimes reject their Asian affiliation completely (I’m guessing that to some extent it’s due to bad experiences and/or them finding certain aspects of desi culture too restrictive and conservative), although this seems to be less the case if the person has grown up in a town/city with a large desi population.

Al_Mujahdid_for_debauchery,

I wonder why our culture is so intolerant when it comes to choosing your spouse.

I think it’s because of an entrenched “feudal” mentality, especially amongst the older generation. Not just the whole “us versus them” mindset, but in the sense of them regarding marriage as some kind of semi-political alliance between 2 families, rather than predominantly something concerning the prospective bride & groom. This means that not only do many of them feel they have an excessive right to interfere/dictate/veto who their sons & daughters marry, but the whole process can sometimes be much more of a political minefield than it otherwise would be (or, indeed, should be).

actually, i’m just detail oriented when it comes to producing written work. that’s what got me on the EILR.

i dunno me and the big firm… we’re not friends.