I will fast this evening in order to compensate for my transgression. More food for Homer, I guess.

Anyway…..We received a somewhat unexpected reverse-charge telephone call from our beloved motherland this morning. My mother will be paying us a visit in a few days. I have a feeling she is on a hubbie-hunting expedition for her sister’s daughters — my cousins — Tina, Beena, and Deena. We have already told my aunt enough times that we don’t know anybody suitable here, but that obsession with being able to say “My daughter lives in Amreeka” seems to be overriding everyone’s common sense. It’s not as though there aren’t any suitable candidates back in India, after all — and the male desi population of India is a little higher than that of Springfield…..

Manjula is already panicking; she has begun clearing her wardrobe of her underwear and is desperately trying to find somewhere in the house to hide them. With some difficulty, I am going to have to sacrifice seeing those diamond-back thongs for a few days. My mother always did get a little weird about the idea that Manjula and I are not just “holding hands”, despite the fact that we are actually a married couple. And have four children.

“Mmmmm, animal fat…”

Hearing his stories of life at the power station is leading me to feel that he is being seriously exploited by his boss Mr Burns, like an East India Company sepoy. Not a very good sepoy, mind you, and definitely not one you would want anywhere near a breech-loading rifle. (Come to think of it, Homer would probably end up chewing those cartridges coated in animal fat as a “tasty mid-morning snack”). But a manipulated sepoy nevertheless.

I am considering that I must do something to help these poor naukhers who are being so cruelly abused by Mr Burns and his “friend” Smithers. People in Springfield do often come to me as the typical desi “fixer”; not suprising really, considering that absolutely everyone knows me due to their frequent visits to the Kwik-E-Mart.

I am beginning to think that I am turning into Amitabh Bachchan’s character from Sarkar.

Speaking of my darling bride, she mentioned to me last night that I look a bit like a Southie version of President Musharraf in some of my on-line photographs. I guess she does have a point about me having a lot in common with that gentleman. Apart from the striking physical appearance (we even both have the same finely-trimmed Guru Dutt-style moustache), what with Homer currently exiled in our spare bedroom, Mushie and I are both presently haboring a famous fugitive on our territory.

hindu xmas.. gotta love it… clever clever apu man…

how are your 199934 kids doing? hopefully the cow you’re milking at home is keeping their appetite at bay..besides getting enough milk to produce butter, buttermilk, and ghee

Navratri came and went very quickly this year. The Shahs of Shelbyville invited us to their annual garbas again; Homer (who, incidentally, is now staying with us for a while, as Marge found that DVD behind their refrigerator a couple of days ago) decided to join us. The fact that Marge is not speaking to him didn’t stop the rest of his family from coming along too, although Manjula is being used as a “go-between” by the unhappy couple. Bart is surprisingly good at Gujju dancing but I think he enjoyed deliberately inflicting dandiya injuries on everyone more; he and Homer were also placing bets on Marge’s sari falling off, which fortunately for all of us did not happen. We had to keep a close eye on her during the aarti though, as her hair is a bit of a fire hazard.

I am looking forward to Diwali, although as our house will be the only one lit up in Springfield as usual, it becomes tiring to have to explain to people every year that we’re celebrating the “Hindu Christmas”.

Homer doesn’t help matters when he keeps telling everyone we’re commemorating “Krishna going to the island of Sir Lancelot with his five brothers to rescue Sita, as seen on ‘Xena’. “

Well this is pretty damn disappointing isn’t it ! Not exactly a huge turnout…..

I think other Mutineers should join in before I’m provoked into adding more and more controversial extracts of my own from Apu’s blog…..

The actual quote is “This is not a lending library! If you’re not going to buy that thing, put it down or I’ll blow your heads off!”