# TAQWACORE WEBZINE

### Got an Ache in My Gut and My Stomache’s Alight

Posted by Taz on November 13, 2010 · Leave a Comment

Crossposted from Touring the Light. Written by Stoney.

I will not discredit taqwacore for connecting me with people that now mean a lot to me. I also will not discredit taqwacore for making me think a little bit more about identity and questioning my place in the world. But it started as a fictional novel, no? A very well written novel, in my opinion, but still a fictional one. I think what took the depth out of taqwacore for me is the fact that people are trying to create this world that Michael Muhammad Knight painted through his words but often overlooked are the complexities (that are actually exposed in the book itself) of such an intense group of people. There is an absurd fixation on being a bunch of outsiders who have come together to unite. It seems like it’s cool to be the different one and have people try to decode your life story. But of course, people get fucking rowdy. Hello, human beings. People get jealous, greedy. People get on each other’s nerves. I guess the media didn’t help either with its bullshit headlines and ego-feeding but then again, it’s almost impossible for mainstream media to support and go hand-in-hand with social movements that are supposed to create some kind of progression and provide food for thought. Hello, dollar signs.

This is what taqwacore is to me: a very good starting point for everybody, not just brown kids or Muslim kids or punk kids, to explore what peoples’ beliefs and backgrounds are and how they align with who they’ve grown to become. It is a platform for everyone who feels displaced to engage with each other and encourage honesty towards ourselves as human beings. By the same token, I feel as though it should not end there. When trying to discover what lies in our hearts and minds, I think we have to ride every vehicle available towards understanding. Staying within a movement that seems to have become so exclusive, to me, seems pointless. We need to hold a constant hunger in our bellies for unadulterated information and to uncover aspects of the current state of the world that are unheard of in our day-to-day lives.

As for one of my closest friends being in a band that is constantly being associated with the hype, well, they’re kind of in another league. The reason I admire and respect Al-Thawra is obvious: their music is phenomenal. More than that, they represent everything I feel is important in music i.e. honesty and compassion. You can tell they take their time to compose their notes to perfection but it is not contrived at all. What I mean is it remains organic and real but it is well thought-out and skilfully crafted. Of course, to deny any association with the scene, shows, feature film or documentary would be to erase a significant part of the bands development but Al-Thawra are beyond taqwacore and it’s about time they start getting recognised for their stand-alone talents, perseverance and integrity.

Anyway, what would I know? I’m a nineteen-year-old nerd who decided to ditch university, go to a technical college and study audio and then fly away to live on my own here in Chicago. I’ve never been on a “taqwa-tour” and I’m only friends with a few people that have been linked to the “scene”. I arrived too late anyway. It was only just over a year ago when I really started looking into it properly. Most of my friends I grew up with back home were white and I grew up surrounded by Aussie flags and green and gold paraphernalia but I wasn’t casted out – I was and still am an Aussie just like the white kids. My dad lets me do almost anything I want and I have a beautiful relationship with my whole family who have always been a part of the working class. I suppose if we’re going by what taqwacore seems to have become, I am not even eligible to be a part of it.

The challenges I’ve come across in my life include making my own parents understand why I chose to wear the hijab; falling into the wrong crowd and physical violence and drugs; being shunned for having divorced parents; the heartache that comes with an influx of deaths of family members and friends; putting up with a psychologist that seemed crazier than me; watching my father get taken away by immigration and detained when I was ten; having my mother move to another country when I was eleven; fighting for my father and brothers rights to stay in the country; having my heart broken time and time again; getting my first job at fourteen to help support my family; constantly being the middleman between my brothers and brother-in-law who have hated each other for years; growing up in the shadow of a beautiful, talented older sister; and moving to another country on my own with no previous experience living out of home.

It may not seem like anything to anybody but that is what has shaped me. No aspect of what I have gone through in my life is taqwacore and I’ll tell you why – everything that I have gone through is what everyone goes through in one way or another. What the fuck is the point of using these struggles to set yourself apart from the rest of the world? Being brown or Muslim or punk doesn’t make you a fucking hero for having juggled such identities. We all go through shitty ordeals and learn how to pick ourselves up. We’ve all felt stupid and broken and misunderstood.

I guess in the same way some people viewed it as a gigantic social movement that would attract attention from all corners of the world, the taqwacore I knew and wanted was a place beyond this physical world that absolutely everybody and anybody could go to, to deconstruct their thoughts and feel comfortable in doing so. I swear to you now, I really am pretty disappointed about what it has become. Alas, like I said, I was the new kid that may not have understood it to its full extent but I sure do feel sorry for anyone who would like to be a “new kid” and suddenly feels as though they cannot partake.

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